Philippa
Rumsey – MY EXPERIENCE OF HAVING A DOULA (March 2003)
SETTING THE SCENE
It was in March 2003 that I first phoned
THE CONTEXT
My physical state was weak; I had carried Matthew to 42 weeks of
pregnancy, he was 9lb 6oz at birth, I'd had an emergency caesarian and was successfully breast feeding my beautiful
bouncing boy so that he looked like
twice his age!!. My emotional state
was fragile; mothering 2 children whilst my husband continued to work long
hours in London and overseas, feeling
half human from lack of sleep yet having to face the daily challenge of life
with a toddler and baby. Those of you raising children at the moment will relate to
this physical state, it is surprising how soon one can forget this exhausting
phase, nature plays wonderful tricks on us!!
Having suffered with Post
My parents had helped us enormously during the first 6 weeks of
Matthew's arrival whilst I made a slow recovery from the caesarian however,
they live 2 hours away and we felt they had already given a lion's share of
support. Likewise, my in-laws who live locally
had given us much practical help in the initial months and they were often
overseas enjoying their well deserved retirement, so we felt reluctant to turn
to them during this crisis phase.
CUE: LINDA,
APPEARANCE: Cheerful smile,
Positive/down to earth aura, Relaxed and professional manner, Wearing gorgeous
pink lipstick , after only 4 months as a
mother of 2 children, existing in a haphazard state I couldn't remember what it
felt like to look so groomed!! Linda
explained her background to us, she trained as an NNEB in the 70's , worked as
a nanny and in various jobs . After the
birth of her 2 children she worked in an Infant school as a teachers assistant
for many years then left in 2000 to set up
MY EXPERIENCE OF HAVING A DOULA
Linda agreed to take us on as a new family to support, this immediately
helped us feel a little optimistic about the future weeks. She was already working for 3 or 4 families
doing odd mornings and afternoons so initially we were able to employ her for
each available space she had during the forthcoming week . After that we
employed her on a weekly basis deciding exact days and times each Friday for
the following week.
As each week passed my enjoyment and fondness for Linda and her
impartial advice and support grew. My
parents gallantly took Eleanor to stay with them during Linda's first week
which left the house strangely quiet but wonderful !! It was great to have Linda's support during
the shift from breast to bottle feeding which I discovered has a technique all of
its own.
Linda worked with us for 4 months .
It was an eventful time, dear Matthew spent 3 days in Addenbrookes with
pneumonia/broncholitis at the end of Linda's first week. We had sat in A&E together with my poorly
babe watching him coughing and gasping for breath. Without Linda's practical approach and humour
at that time I'm sure I would have been admitted to Addenbrookes myself with
nervous exhaustion. By the end of June
after returning from our first family holiday, which had been a great success,
our family unit was ticking along well .
The usual day to day trials of life with two children were still there
but my ability to cope had improved.
Looking back I now realise my recovery was due to a combination of
things; Linda's support, medication, the kindness of friends & family and of
course my husband whose understanding of my PND was endless.
I have reflected on this crisis period in my life in recent months and
realise how blessed I am to have a partner with such insight into depression and
the dedication to keep our family unit going.
I feel strongly, more than ever now, that parents should be more
supported during early parenthood having been through such a challenging time
ourselves. Having a doula to help was
certainly not an inexpensive option, if only there were more resources to provide support, such
as a doula can give, during the sometimes challenging time of early parenthood
I' m sure family life would benefit.
Cath Albright – My Doula
As I awaited the arrival of
my 3rd baby last Spring, I felt a rising sense of panic. We had only
lived in the Saffron Walden area for a couple of months and I had been unable
to find any part time help with childcare for the period either before or after
the birth. With two boys aged four and two and another one due imminently, I
thought I was probably going to need it. We talked through the options. Our
house wasn't big enough for an au pair and a maternity nurse wouldn't fit the
bill, as I required more than just assistance with the baby. What I really
needed was someone who could be me, but better. In other words, someone who
could do everything that I do for the older children and who could run the
house, but who would have had a good night's sleep and therefore wouldn't be
tired or cross.
I started asking around in
my quest for such a person. Eventually, my friend suggested a doula; a friend
of hers had employed a doula to help after the birth of her second baby and had
found this particular lady so helpful that she had lined her up for the
impending birth of her third.
I telephoned the doula
(Linda Hobbs of
The Greek word doula
literally means slave, but Linda was more like our saviour. Her arrival at our
house in those early chaotic days was like the arrival of the cavalry. She
would walk in, have a quick chat and then, if I needed a sleep, she would take over
whilst I went up to bed. The greatest thing was that Linda (a mother of two grown
up children) wouldn't need any instructions; she simply carried on where I left
off. She would play with the boys (including full penalty shoot outs in the
garden) do the washing and ironing, make their supper and supervise the eating
of it, bathe them and get them ready for bed and would read them stories if I
was feeding the baby. Or if I wanted an afternoon with the boys, she was quite
happy to look after the baby whilst I spent time with them.
As you may imagine, doulas
do not come cheap. But, in my view, she was worth every penny, as she made the
first few weeks with our new baby so much more manageable. Also, the service
Linda offers is quite flexible; once you have reserved the weeks you require
her for (she helped us for 5 weeks) and given a rough idea of how much you will
need her in the first two weeks, she is quite happy for you to cut down or
indeed, increase the number of hours she works in the following weeks, as you
go along.
Overall I would say that
the experience was a very positive one and that my doula helped to make a
difficult time much more enjoyable. I would recommend a doula to anyone
expecting a second, third, fourth or even fifth child.
Una
O'Grady – (July 2001)
A screaming
baby, a half-eaten apple, cold coffee and an inedible meal ... it couldn't
happen, but it did, in the postnatal Twilight Zone
Who am I? Where am I?
How did I get here? Where is my brain? These are cries for help you will become
familiar with once your wee bundle 'appears'. Natural, caesarian, quick, slow,
trouble-free or not, whatever you choose or experience, giving birth is only
the start. You'll soon realise that you need SUPPORT! - and that's what this
reference is all about.
Linda
Hobbs is a 'doula'. This means she 'mothers the mother'. Now, not
only does she mother the (sometimes desperate) mother - she listens!
You need
someone to do that when you have a newborn baby. You need uncomplicated
support. Someone who doesn't judge you. Someone batting for your team.
It doesn't
matter how wonderful your husband is, how nice your family are or how close you
are to your own mother, they can't always be there and you are going to feel
lonely, hungry and inadequate at times. Linda cooks, cleans, counsels, screens
incessant phone calls with the professionalism of an executive assistant, does
the washing, makes you laugh, cuddles the baby AND changes nappies.
And you
get all that for a very reasonable fee - but it's worth much, much more. Why?
Not just because it's done, but becuase it's done without question (and without
those immortal words from mother/mother-in-law/sibling/friendly/lady at the
post office counter: "Ohhhhhhh, I wouldn't do it that way if I were
you").
So when
your baby screams at the top of its lungs and you can't find the half-eaten
apple that you left there just the night before while you attempt the umpteenth
breast-feed, call Linda Hobbs. She'll find your apple, make you a nice healthy
snack and a cup of tea and talk about it.
Aaaaaaaaah,
bliss.
Una
O'Grady
July 2001